Now, this actually makes sense – since Jefferson also wrote the words “all men are created equal” – flagrantly leaving out women. He was from Virginia – which eventually seceded from the Union under the Confederate flag, which he might have saluted if he had lived another forty years. Also reason for denouncing Jefferson: He opposed John Adams – who did not own slaves. Also, John Adams signed the Sedition Act under which people with politically incorrect views could be thrown in jail – an attractive idea for modern Democrats who are heading in that direction.
So it makes perfect sense for modern Democrats to renounce the slave-owning Jefferson and remove his name from their annual dinner. Jefferson did a lot of other bad things in his life – farming (non-union labor), inventing (like Uber, new technologies destroy jobs of political allies), founding colleges (think: the burden of student loans!), and buying the Louisiana Territory — remember, Louisiana also joined the Confederacy and flew the Confederate flag which Jefferson might have saluted if he had lived another sixty years and traveled to Louisiana.
The good news is that this fall the annual dinner will get a new name, and as a brand consultant I have a few candidates for Democrats to consider:
The Bill Clinton Dinner — Clinton was a Democratic President, which is good. He was no slave-owner, was a staunch admirer of young women, not from a Confederate state… and… uh, sorry, is from a former Confederate state, Arkansas. So not him.
The Bill DeBlasio Dinner — non slave-owner, loves horses, hates German-named corporations, good father who warns his son about the bad guys (i.e. the police), is from New York, a non-Confederate state whose citizens never owned sla… okay some New Yorkers owned slaves. Way, way back. Okay, not him either.
The John F. Kennedy Dinner — This name is fool-proof. Martyred Democratic President – check. Non slave-owner from a non-slaveholding state, check. Not a true conventional family man (which for modern liberals is a BIG check), very rich (for Democrats a BIG check). Kennedy also believed in raising corporate taxes to… well, not really, he wanted to cut corporate taxes but that was a long time ago… Okay, he believed in marshaling the international community to halt Soviet expansion not act unilaterally… well, okay, he was a tad aggressive in his stance toward Cuba but he never actually authorized troops to invade Cub… okay… well, Kennedy’s administration didn’t pick up after French colonialist and start the War in Viet … well… Sorry, not him either.
The Rahm Immanuel He Saved the Chicago Children Dinner? The Hillary Aperitif and Commemorative Multiple Smartphone Fundraiser?
Renaming the Jefferson Jackson Bailey Dinner is turning out to be tough. I don’t know who this “Bailey” was, but every Christmas I watch the hero George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life. So let’s just call it the George Bailey Dinner and keep history out of it. Unless, of course, the real Bailey erroneously said “all lives matter,” in which case he too is out of the running and Democrats will have to call their dinner "Lunch" and just eat crow.
Well, not crow… Woodpeckers maybe… no… not that. Cardinals? Nothing religious. I’ll think of it, I’ll think of it.