Saturday, December 31, 2011

Top brands of 2011

It’s too easy and obvious to celebrate blockbuster brands like Apple and Facebook. Here at Brandsinger we pay attention to the under-appreciated brands of 2011 and take a moment to marvel at their genius.

Greatest brand impact per ounce: the Wasp

A sublimely understated vehicle—light, compact, with limited range—but packing the wallop of a Floyd Mayweather left hook

Brand personality: Aggression, stealth, anger

Tagline: If you want to be called honey, why not get yourself a bee?

Highlight of 2011: Sending Brandsinger to the emergency room covered with itchy red welts

Price: About $800.00 per sting

Most shocking brand: Lightning

A reminder of the primal power of the universe that was here before you and will be here forever after you

Brand personality: Flashiness, bombast, tendency to overdo it

Tagline: Before your silly fireworks, I Am.

Highlight of 2011: Driving Brandsinger under the bed when striking to the heart of a 200-year-old oak

Cost: About $900.00 per tree

Most influential political brand—Liberalism

Despite the rise of the Tea Party and the fall of Obama’s prestige, 2011 was, deceptively, the year of the left. From the daily drumbeat of NPR to the leveraged influence of the Occupiers, liberals mopped the floor with anyone brazen enough to question the brand’s stamina.

Brand personality: Smugness, hypocrisy, snobbery

Brand promise: To protect the status quo in education, manufacturing and mass culture

Tagline: “What? Are you a moron?”

Highlight of 2011: Positioning the Congressional Republicans as defenders of the tax code while assuming the stance of tax-cutters

Cost: About ten trillion dollars per generation

Top brand among organic compounds: Humidity

Where would we be without that subtle hint of waterfront in the air? With practically no marketing budget, humidity had a great year. It gave a slight curl to boring hair, made women’s t-shirts cling, and gave privileged Manhattan office-workers something to whine about.

Brand traits: Ubiquitous, embracing, variable

Tagline: Say adios to static electricity

Highlight of 2011: 100% humidity during the drenching rains that caused roadway flooding and hours of travel delay that kept Brandsinger from making a client workshop on time

Cost: my entire fee

A universe of top brands

Brandsinger salutes these and the other unsung brands of 2011, from the reassuring bubbling of oatmeal to the manly roar of the Maori Haka dancers to the haunting rustle of cottonwood trees, life is filled with the sounds and promise of brands that sing.

Happy New Year!



justin said...

"the year of the left. From the daily drumbeat of NPR..."

And Happy New Year to you too.
But about this Resolution: Free yourself of 1980s & '00s cant and Fox-news slant. How dated and inapposite: "the daily drumbeat of NPR."
Wimpering NPR, scared by Republicans' posturing and defunding, has pushed itself center and right. Managing occasionally to not spout chant from the right, doesn't make a news organization bent to the left.
Happy New Year, and work on that Resolution, please!

justin said...

Sorry, meant to say "how *about* this Resolution:"

brandsinger said...

Thanks for the comment, Justin. It's probably tough for someone to recognize a flagrant political bias when he shares it himself. What bias?

NPR "center and right"? -- would that I had the morning tapes and 100 hours of time to prove you wrong.

My New Year's Resolution: to learn how to use your word "inapposite"!


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